Let me hold you for the last time
It’s the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can’t feel anything

When I love you, rings so untrue
I can’t even convince myself
When I’m speaking, it’s the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it’s not enough to make it all ok

You can’t play on broken strings
You can’t feel anything
that your heart don’t want to feel
I can’t tell you something that ain’t real
Oh the truth hurts
A lie’s worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us
Running back through the fire
When there’s nothing left to save
It’s like chasing the very last train
when it’s too late, too late

Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it’s not enough to make it all ok

You can’t play on broken strings
You can’t feel anything
That your heart don’t want to feel
I can’t tell you something that ain’t real
Oh the truth hurts
A lie’s worse
I cannot give any more
When I love you a little less than before

Oh we’re running through the fire
When there’s nothing left to save
It’s like chasing the very last train
When we both know it’s too late

You can’t play on broken strings
You can’t feel anything
That your heart don’t want to feel
I can’t tell you something that ain’t real
Oh the truth hurts
A lie’s worse
I cannot give any more
When I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It’s the last chance to feel again

It comes the way its supposed to....

Her green plastic watering can
For her fake Chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth.
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself.
It wears her out, it wears her out
It wears her out, it wears her out.

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns.
He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins.
And it wears him out, it wears him out.
It wears him out, it wears . . .

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love.
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run.
And it wears me out, it wears me out.
It wears me out, it wears me out.

And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time, all the time.

Just thinking about how fucked up we women actually are...
My roommate just got a sms from his girlfriend, kinda stating that he should come this weekend, she cant take it...
"She's got reasons he dont"
Feeling really sorry because that like the kind of act that i would pull off....
Called Gary to tell him that i'm sorry, cause i know exactly what she want to say, but when you watch your roommate cry you just feel like crap pulling such things off - but how can you fix brainfuck like this?
, and he just said, cant live with you cant live without you....
I gotta try too stop doing this to other people, it makes me feel so bad, to see how T. is so sad because - frankly (i know what im talking about) somebody has a very small ego.....

It's HARD but it has to work!!!!! This other thing is not an option!

This calls for Halleluja!

Going on a date... with G. Wow discovered a new letter.....


Tell me a story where we all change
And we’d live our lives together
And not estranged

I didn’t lose my mind, it was mine to give away
Couldn’t stay to watch me cry
You didn’t have the time
So I softly slip away...

No regrets, they don’t work
No regrets now, they only hurt

Sing me a lovesong (sing me a lovesong)
Drop me a line (drop me a line)
Suppose it’s just a point of view
But they tell me I’m doing fine

I know from the outside (when they all stared)
We looked good for eachother (so people said)
Felt things we’re going wrong
When you didn’t like my mother (it was all in your head)

I don’t want to hate but that’s all you’ve left me with
A bitter aftertaste and a fantasy
Of how we all could live...

No regrets, they don’t work
No regrets now, they only hurt
(we’ve been told you stay up late)
I know they’re still talking
(you’re far too short to carry weight)
The demons in your head
(return the videos they’re late)
If I could just stop hating you
(goodbye )
I feel sorry for us instead

Remember the photographs, insane
The one where we all laughed, so lame
We were having the time of our lives
Well thank you, it was a real blast

No regrets, they don't work
No regrets now, they only hurt
(we’ve been told you stay up late)
Write me a love song
(you’re far too short to carry weight)
Drop me a line
(return the videos they’re late)
Suppose it's just a point of view
(goodbye )
But they tell me I'm doing fine

Everything I wanted to be, everytime I walked away
Everytime you told me to leave, I just wanted to stay
Everytime you looked at me, and everytime you smiled
I felt so vacant, you treat me like a child
I love the way we used to laugh, the way we used to smile
Often I sit down and think of you for a while
And then it passes me by and think of someone else instead
I guess the love that we once had is officialy...

Dead.

Now I know
That I can't make you stay
But where's your heart
But where's your heart
But where's your...

And I know
There's nothing I could say
To change that part
To change that part
To change...

So many
Bright lights to cast a shadow
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A life that's so demanding
I get so weak
A loveless soul demanding
I can't speak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you could say can stop me going home

Can you see
My eyes are shining bright
Cause I'm out here
On the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I'm so weak
Is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A loveless soul demanding
I get weak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you could say can stop me going home

These bright lights are always bright to me
These bright lights are always bright to me
I say

I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

(How can I see, I see you lying) 'Cause I see you lying next to me
(How can I see, I see you lying) With words I thought I'd never speak
(How can I see, I see you lying) Awake and unafraid
(How can I see, I see you lying) Asleep or dead

'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead

Try to turn it off
But it's hard to see
Through this emptiness
Slowly breaking me
Maybe hurt me just a little less
Then I can start to breathe
But still your heart is out of reach

What were we thinking
And what will we do now
Ah ha
Right now
Right now
Right now
Ooh ooh

The sun hasn't shined today at all
A funny thing
You haven't called
Tell me why
Or should I be asking?
How would I respond to it all
Times were good
I wish you were around more
I can feel you at my door
But it's not you
It's someone else
What can I do
Ooh, what did we do

What were we thinking
What were we thinking
What were we thinking
Right now
Right now
Right now

Try to turn it off
But it's hard to see
Through this emptiness
Slowly breaking me
Maybe hurt me just a little less
Then I can start to breathe
But still your heart is out fo reach

What were we thinking
What can we do now
Right now
Right now

Try to turn it off
But it's hard to see
Through this emptiness
Slowly breaking me
Maybe hurt me just a little less
Then I can start to breathe
But still

I should have known
It was right in front of me
Screaming girl just walk away
See it can't ever be
Oh, what would we do now
We carried on making our mistakes
Thinking our love was free
Now you've taken part of me
Right now

I'm not quite sure what to feel right now. I want to be in control, but i feel like im losing it more and more each day.
Just heard from my best friend that my other (male) friend has bin toughing me up while i was to drunk to realize it on friday.
OK that feel kinda weird. I mean, i like the thought that somebody wants me - but not him - and not like that.

J. apparently loves me

Well ain't that fucking great

I'm so fucked up i don't know what i want - what to think...

Kinda miss The Ex, but do i really?
Lately i don't know which feelings i have are true and which ones are just memories, imaginary things that i would like in my dreams but never in real life....



This girl I know needs some shelter
She don't believe anyone can help her
She's doing so much harm, doing so much damage
But you don't want to get involved
You tell her she can manage
And you can't change the way she feels
But you could put your arms around her

I know you want to live yourself
But could you forgive yourself
If you left her just the way
You found her

You left me hanging from a thread
We once were from together
I lick my wounds but I can
Never see them getting better
Something’s gotta change
Things cannot stay the same



Jones and i are finished. So finished

Am i sick when i believe these things to be true? Guess i am.


1. If i'm not thin i'm not attractive.
2. Its more important to be thin than to be healthy.
3. I have to do everything i can to be thin.
4. I cannot eat without feeling guilty.
5. I cannot eat without working against it afterwards.
6. I must count my calories
7. What the weightscale says is what's important.
8. Losing weight is good, putting on bad
9. One can never be too thin
10. To be thin and control eating makes one strong

Did the heavy-petting-thing with L. yesterday. Shouldn't have done that but i was to drunk to stop. So he slept here, and allthough it was nice to wake up next to somebody and to have somebody caressing your neck back and so on it just felt wrong. I don't know what to do about it because i like him as a friend and that about covers it.
Was just kinda hoping he would go soon. Now i'm going to Jones to "work". Guess that wont be so much about working there.

Funny thing was i think i asked him about the same thing Cologne asked me - o-tone - are you sure you know what you are doing?